Valentine’s Day for Dummies

So Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and you’re either single, clueless or a unicorn!

 

Unicorn
Aren’t you a piece?

 

We really can’t help it if you’re single or a unicorn, but we surely can if you’re clueless. Presenting to you, “Valentine’s Day for Dummies”!

Without getting into how Valentine’s Day is probably the most commercialized holiday of the year, we’ll jump into the mankind’s love of receiving free things aka, GIFTS—

1. Chocolates

Okay, I honestly like this one.
Okay no, I love this one.
Actually, more like LOVE this one.

 

Oh Sweet Jesus, Yes!

 

But just chocolates for Valentine’s Day? *Umm…Valentine…Who Valentine?* Also, nut allergies are real. If you bring nut-chocolates and trigger an allergy, you might send your significant other to the hospital and it will also become very clear that your significant other is not really significant.

 

2. Jewelry


We’ve always liked our things to be shiny. In fact, Arawakan Lucayos used to exchange gold in return of glass beads because—shinier.

 

Sparkley White
Sparkles everywhere!

 

Point being, people like shiny things and that thing about women and diamonds and I don’t want to suggest that you go sell off your kidney or something…but jewelry happens to be something especially loved by the females of the human species.
But, let’s get real, money seriously doesn’t grow on trees and it’s good to have both kidneys in the body

3. Teddy Bears

So the Valentine’s Week has a special day dedicated to Teddy bears but who the hell thought teddy bears are cute!? They’re creepy!

 

Creepy Teddy
Did someone say love? *Evil eyes*

 

And why is chocolate day followed by Teddy day!? Does that make sense to you? Shouldn’t it be followed by a Pasta day or a Pizza day or a Pao Bhaji day or something?
Is evolution happening correctly? What is this life? What does all of this mean?!!

4. Cards


Yes, Yes, Yes. Cards have a sentimental value and they help you express your feelings and all but if you aren’t meticulous enough, cards can go pretty wrong.

 

Cards gone wrong
Did you ask for honesty?

 

Also, just a card..? Okay… *GTG to reevaluate my life’s decisions*

5. Perfumes

Ah…yes! Perfumes—appropriately expensive, nice bottles, beautiful smells…hmm…what could go wrong?
Let the sane one tell you:
DO YOU THINK I SMELL BAD!?
This can go wrong.

 

Stinky skunk

 

Also, I think in some cultures it’s bad luck to give perfumes. Gotta avoid all the bad luck on the day when so many things can go wrong!

6. Photo Frames


Oh Yes! Those things are nice too! You frame your lovely moments and put them up for display for everyone to tell you how beautiful you guys look together.

 

Amy loves Penny!

 

But, they’re a tad bit tacky. Just saying…

 

Penny....

7. Flowers

Do I really need to tell you why flowers is a bad idea? I mean, come on! It’s just a bad idea. Flowers are good if accompanied by something more…substantial

 

Bad Idea

 

8. The Sure Shot

You’re both beautiful people and you both love selfies and you obviously love (like?) each other. Then why not participate in this amazing selfie contest and win a romantic dinner at The Chatter House?

 

Contest

 

9. Surprise

Want to surprise your SO and not give it away by participating in a contest?
Book a restaurant to make your Valentine’s Day evening extra special. Enjoy a perfect meal, in a perfect setting and make memories all the way along.

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